there's paper in my vomit.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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