He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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