You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
