one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
