you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
