those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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