If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
