Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
