yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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