the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
