Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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