I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
