I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
