Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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