sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
