Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
