Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
