Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
