When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
