Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
