even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
