K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
