Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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