i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
