Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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