Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
