You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
