please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
