And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
