The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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