Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
