This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
