I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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