he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
