He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
