I wish I could punch you in the face.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
