Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
