I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
