he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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