i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
