do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
