I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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