I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
