its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
