Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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