i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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