Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
