OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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