A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
