Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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