You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
