Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
