someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
